Camus in Pumas |
FEEL-GOOD ACTION PACKED PHILOSOPHICAL |
The mildew creeps around the sink and from the faucet
I can tell the circles darken around my eyes like the fungi.
I haven’t cleaned the bathroom in a while now and I keep
procrastinating until tomorrow turns into a pile of unwashed
dishes with crust dried out. I shrivel like a witch in summertime.
I peek in the refrigerator a thousand times an hour.
Am I hungry? No. Will I throw out the strawberries? No.
In this pigsty lies civilization, but I don’t have to spell it out.
I continue to wait, wait for weekends, wait for tomorrow,
until years of patience breed a pestilent stench of the living.
It crawls under my skin, a cliche
of years and years of adolescence,
immaturity that has never
escaped from the dull yellow magnolian layer,
cells that remind me: we are all the same.
We dream, we search, and then we live,
walk through the earth like it’s ours. Win the clay
like our damsels in distress—find ways to save
vibrant viridian and gentle cerulean. Did we ever
believe in loneliness? Under the constant
need of verisimilitude, we failed realism,
and barely caught on to a feather of romanticism.
Find me, not that I need to be found.
Trust me, not that I need acceptance.
Understand me, so I may escape the bold alone.
little idle among barren crags
cannot rest from Life both loved and drifts
become a name; hungry cities drunk windy
a world to pause,
to breathe Life piled silence,
vile suns
gray star,
mild sphere fail gods, welcome thunder
Free hearts Old end begin to slow
moon deep in hearts,
yield.
The kids, they ebb and flow come fall
and spring. They cry like ghouls
and fight like monsters in the hall.
I want to crack some skulls.
I wish tomorrow brings a pack
of fiendish wolves, the kind
I somehow tame into a stack
of neatly graded minds.
And now I choose this ink of red
to write a poem to calm,
I hope, my slowly-silvered head—
stop acting like a mom.
I tried to tell them that names tell who you are.
Mine says that I’m tiny, milky, and minty…
wait that can’t be true. That describes an Andes mint.
My Chinese name describes me as more of a fox spirit—
clear and handsome pavilion, white jade and the forest-born prince.
That can’t be right either. Maybe the kids were right after all,
we shouldn’t pay any attention to names at all.
It has a ring to it. It has a spunk to it. It’s cute, small, and cuddly.
Just like me.
Writing early mornings,
I can’t really think more than
roses are red
violets are blue.
But then I think how the night before,
I was so productive grading
and how exciting it was to get
the email from you…
I’m not clinging,
I’m no violets to your roses.
but I do miss you.
After a sweating kind of run, I find myself
feeling taller. Have the trees become bushes?
Has the run stretched my legs? HAVE I BECOME A GIANT?
These questions run in my mind as I cool down,
springing on each step, my stilts still not used
to walking to a different beat.
Friday nights at home, I can hear cicadas
and see moths fluttering in my room lamp.
I have to wonder—are they giants as well after a good fly?
And are the worms giants after a good rain?
For this moment, I don’t feel squishy. I feel squashy—
like I want to squash something.
Tell me. Am I short? Or was I stunted for a reason?
As close to the ground as I can be, inverted height.
There is a Chinese saying:
you can be in charge of your own fate.
I think that is why the Chinese are never predeterminists.
If fate is nothing but choice and decision
then suddenly fate is nothing but free will.
Take life one at a time.
Skip stones one by one.
Tomorrow is difficult. But today is not.
Take fate by the reigns and charge into the future.
Is it you
I see in the tea cafe
Drinking from your iced milk tea
Your straw stained red
I imagine your pursed lips
I wish I were that tea
Cold but never neglected
The moon,
Missed you.
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⚘
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She...